Why I gave up $200,000 to start my own business.

Late last year, I was in a dilemma. Give up a six-figure contract and start my own business or keep a good work opportunity and lose something I had taken years to build.

A little background story.

I have been a practicing therapist/counselor for close to a decade. With my experience and success in the mental health field, I started the Lartey Wellness Group. What started as a small group of therapists grew to become a 50+ member organization with a very efficient administrative and marketing team. The systems I put in place at the beginning of the organization were so good and efficient that we had an overflow of client traffic. Our staff was almost always fully booked.

The success I found in this venture rewarded me in the form of finally being able to take time off from full-time counseling. This was necessary because after years of full-time counseling and building the Lartey Wellness Group I was burnt out and in need of rest. I also needed a new job that wasn’t related to mental health to keep food on the table.

This came in the form of a six-figure IT consulting contract which I was more than qualified for. Not quite what I had in mind, but better of course! A previous project manager I had worked with recommended me and I was awarded the contract. I finally had time to rest and also a highly-paid job doing something I was good at to keep me active. The benefits were not only monetary, as I now had more time to keep a close eye on the administrative and marketing side of the Lartey Wellness Group. I fine-tuned an already efficient system and the results were just overwhelming. We now had a backlog of clients who needed our services and no one to attend to them.

It then dawned on me, why don’t I start a marketing agency? I am good at building stuff. I already built a system that is so efficient that we were unable to keep up with the demand. What is stopping me from giving out the overflow to struggling therapists and mental health agencies? I clearly remembered when I first entered the Mental Health field with no one to hold my hand, doing everything to make sure I could have enough clients to keep the lights on and pay the bills. If I’d had a similar system then, I would have immediately said yes.

So what was stopping me from doing that now? Well, it turned out to be a six-figure contract that had kept me happy and fulfilled ever since I took a break from counseling.

The Dilemma

So what was I going to do now? give up the good contract or lose something I had built through blood, sweat, and tears? After weeks of meditation and reflection, I picked the former. I wanted my own thing, I wanted to be remembered as someone who persevered to build a legacy.

After the decision was made, I talked to my project manager about what I decided. He was very supportive and understanding. He allowed me to hire a second person to make my transition smoother. I wrapped everything up, handed over, and bowed out into the unforgiving unknown.

I now had to build everything from scratch, well not exactly because I already had systems in place to make sure therapy clients were always pouring in. The other half that remained was finding the therapists and agencies to whom we were going to provide the lead generation services.

So I did what I did best, recruiting the right people, from experienced cold callers to digital marketing specialists. I built a team that was going to ensure this new venture succeeds.

The Journey So Far

This is how far we are on this journey to build a system that helps Mental Health professionals rest assured knowing they can take breaks and that whenever they are ready, there will be leads waiting for them at the Lartey Wellness Group.

Follow or journey on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@larteywellnessgroup852

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10 Signs Your Partner is Gaslighting You

As we rapidly approach the end of 2022, Merriam-Webster has come out with their yearly “Word of the Year.” The word that the famous dictionary chose to wrap up the year with is “Gaslighting.” I found this to be very interesting, especially in the context of mental health and relationship dynamics. 

What is Gaslighting? 

Gaslighting is the psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator. ("gaslighting." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, 2022.)

Gaslighting is something that occurs frequently within relationships most would consider to be unhealthy or toxic. It is a form of mental and emotional abuse and can be traumatic for the one who is being gaslit. Gaslighting can make a person doubt themselves and their truth and make it very hard for them to leave a relationship, even when they know it may be what’s best for them. 

Long Term Effects of Gaslighting: 

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Isolation

• Psychological Trauma

• PTSD symptoms

• A negative impact on self-esteem

• Self-doubt

• Insecurity

Since gaslighting is indeed a form of abuse, it is beneficial to be able to recognize the signs, especially in romantic relationships. If you or someone you know is currently struggling with gaslighting and its effects, therapy may serve as a positive way to cope and heal from its effects. Call us today to schedule an appointment with one of our therapists.

According to Grampian Women's Aid (2019,) the following are 10 signs of gaslighting behavior:

1. Blatant Lies - You know the person is lying, often and with ease, yet they say they do not recognize this in their behavior. You begin to have self-doubt, question everything and become uncertain of the simplest matters.

2. Deny, Deny, Deny - You know what they said. They deny ever saying it. They ask you to prove they said it. You start to question your memory.  Perhaps they were right, they never said it.  Increasingly you question your reality and accept theirs.

3. Using What You Love Against You - This is a manipulative tactic used by the gaslighter, causing the person to question themselves and things they hold close. For example, If the person loves their job, the gaslighter will find issues with it. If they have children, the gaslighter will make them believe they should not have had them, that they’re a poor parent.

4. Losing Your Sense of Self - The gaslighting continues methodically and continuously over a long period of time.  The victim, over time, becomes a different person.  Self-confidence disappears, and the victim becomes a shadow of their former self.  Their reality and being becomes that of the abuser. 

5. Words Versus Actions - A gaslighter will talk and talk to convince a person of their concern for them.  However, their actions will not reflect the words.  

6. Love and Flattery - A gaslighter will tear a person down, build them back up and tear them right down again. This abusive pattern becomes reality for the victim and the praise associated with the building back up convinces them to think the abuser isn’t all bad.

7. Confusion - A gaslighter instills constant and consistent confusion leading the victim to become desperate for clarity.  As the person searches for clarity from the abuser, the cycle continues and the abuser’s power increases.

8. Projecting - A gaslighter projects their actions on to their victim.  For example, if the gaslighter is a liar and a cheater, they accuse the victim of being a liar and a cheater. The person feels that they constantly need to defend themselves for things they have not done.

9. “You’re crazy” - The gaslighter knows the person is already questioning their sanity. They also know the victim is searching for clarity.  Hence, when they call the person crazy, the person believes it. The gaslighter will also tell other people the victim is crazy or mad.  Hence, if the victim ever approaches those people for help, they will most likely not be believed.

10. Everyone Else is A Liar - The gaslighter may tell the person everyone else is against them and that everyone is lying. Such action further blurs the victim’s sense of reality and increases their dependence on the gaslighter.

How to Run an International Mental Health Practice

The Journey

The Lartey Wellness Group wants to give our viewers a behind the scenes look of our journey as a mental health private practice. Through the journey, people will be able to see all it takes to operate the business, apart from providing mental health services. To allow people to see our journey, we will be recording everything we do behind the scenes to keep the practice functioning efficiently. Our goal for the rest of this year and the new year is to focus on hiring new clinicians and promoting our AI tool Blueprint that allows for us to provide data-driven measurement-based care to our clients. Watch as we develop our marketing and training plan for new hires that will be starting in the next couple of weeks.

New Hires

We have recently added 4 new therapists to the Lartey Wellness Group team who will be starting in the next upcoming weeks. Brianna, our marketing assistant, will be holding interviews with all of the new team members to help promote their services and bring in clients for them. The interviews will be posted to our Youtube channel and our other social media channels. We will also send them to all of our clients through our email marketing platform Mailchimp. Our administrative manager Leigh, will be handling all of the onboarding and training of new clinicians. Brianna will focus on the marketing and ensuring that their caseloads are filled.

Blueprint

Blueprint is an added benefit to the services that we offer as it provides the data to allow us to track our clients progress through therapy and the efficacy of their treatment. As a continuation to promoting our AI tool Blueprint, we will be updating our website homepage to better promote the service and the data-driven care that it provides. We will also be updating our call script to include more about Blueprint and measurement-based data driven care. We will now require all clients and clinicians to utilize Blueprint within their sessions. As a result we have updated our client orientation process. The Blueprint client guide will now be one of the documents clients are sent upon scheduling an initial appointment. Our customer service representatives will also enroll all new clients into the Blueprint Health app. Brianna will also update some of our Psychology Today profiles to promote Blueprint and to include the link to our Blueprint landing page.

Virtual Assistance

All of our clinicians will now have a virtual assistant (one of our customer service representatives) assigned to them to assist them with any administrative tasks. This is to ensure that they can give their undivided attention to providing quality care to their clients. Clinicians and their respective CSR’S will stay in close contact via Whatsapp or Google Voice.

Stay tuned for more behind the scenes of our journey as a mental health private practice!

No-Shows and the Importance of Attending Therapy/Psychiatry Appointments

The Lartey Wellness Group has unfortunately seen a spike in no-shows in the recent months. In fact, in the past two months, 1 out of every 4 sessions has resulted in a no-show. When a client is a no-show, our clinicians miss out on being able to schedule another client who is in need of services in that appointment slot. That is why we encourage all of our clients to be courteous and call the office or tell their therapist within 48-hours of their appointment if they will need to cancel or reschedule. When we are given proper notice, we are better able to assist all of our clients and provide them with the best care possible.

Missing an appointment for therapy and/or medication management is not only detrimental to our clients and clinicians, but for the person who has missed the appointment as well. Good attendance increases the efficacy and effectiveness of the treatment you are receiving. Positive, effective, and lasting outcomes of therapy are not related to the overall duration of treatment, but to the consistency and frequency of treatment (i.e., how consistently and frequently you attend appointments). This is especially the case at the beginning of therapy when initial changes are being made. (Barbash, 2018, para. 2) With every appointment you attend, it is the hope that your mental health is getting better in some way. When you miss an appointment, you risk stalling the progress you have made thus far.

By staying connected with your clinician, you have a better chance of meeting the treatment goals that were set forth at the beginning of treatment. Not only that, but it is good to have a consistent support system and safe space to express yourself and anything you’re going through or feeling. Missing appointments can also delay prescription refills if you are seeing one of our psychiatric nurse practitioners.

Therapy and/or psychiatry take effort, dedication and consistency for them to be most effective. Don’t interrupt your progress and healing due to canceling or missing appointments. If something has come up and you know you will not be able to make your appointment, contact us or your therapist so that we can reschedule you for a different date to ensure that you do not experience a lapse in care.

Tips to Overcome Fear of Abandonment

How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you are constantly worrying that your partner is going to leave you? Or maybe you struggle with commitment issues and fear getting too close to people as a way to protect yourself from being abandoned? Constant fear or anxiety that someone is going to leave you, even when they’ve given you no reason to think they will, is what we would call a “fear of abandonment” or abandonment anxiety. 

Fear of abandonment is not a mental health condition, however, it can be linked to several different mental health conditions such as borderline personality disorder (BPD) and avoidant personality disorder. It is also thought that not having a secure attachment during childhood is directly correlated to abandonment anxiety. 

What Are the Types of Abandonment?

• Emotional Abandonment - Refers to emotional distance. If you’ve been emotionally neglected in the past by parents, a caregiver, or a partner, you might fear that other people will neglect you too.

• Physical Abandonment - Happens when an important person exits your life. For example, you might live with fear of abandonment today that is connected to a parent leaving in your childhood.

Signs and Symptoms of Fear of Abandonment 

• Panic or anxiety about being alone or not coupled.

• Sensitivity to criticism or rejection.

• Shame and self-blame when something goes wrong in the relationship.

• Fear of intimacy or closeness.

• Worry when a relationship seems to be going “too well”.

• Distrust.

• Using comfort foods or substances to cope when stressed about a relationship.

• Tendency to pull away physically or emotionally when feeling criticized.

• Codependency, or placing the needs of a partner over your own.

• History of relationships that haven’t supported your mental and emotional health.

• Tendency to become attached quickly in a new relationship.

How Does Fear of Abandonment Affect Relationships?

• Impacts your interactions and how you interpret your partner’s reactions and behaviors.

• Feel you have to act a certain way to keep your partner.

• Trouble being intimate and expressive out of fear of rejection.

• May spend a lot of time looking for flaws in your partner or the relationship.

• If fear of abandonment overlaps with a personality disorder, relationships can be even more affected.

What Causes Fear of Abandonment? 

As we briefly touched on at the beginning of this article, fear of abandonment can be attributed to childhood events such as trauma and neglect, and personality disorders like BPD. However, regardless of what the anxiety stems from, our attachment style plays a huge role in the continuity and severity of the condition. 

Attachment theory is a concept that was developed by a psychologist, John Bowlby. Through his theory, it is suggested that how we connect with our caregivers as children, is what defines how we form attachments with people as adults. 

Attachment styles are categorized in the following four ways: 

1. Anxious (also referred to as Preoccupied)

2. Avoidant (also referred to as Dismissive)

3. Disorganized (also referred to as Fearful-Avoidant)

4. Secure

Anxious, avoidant and disorganized attachment styles are known as “insecure attachments”. A child can develop an insecure attachment style when their physical and emotional needs are not met by their caregiver. This type of attachment style can make it harder for people to form connections with others.

However, when a child grows up in a nurturing home where their physical and emotional needs are fulfilled, they are more likely to form a secure attachment style. They will also have a greater tendency to grow into an adult that is able to build deep, meaningful and long-lasting relationships. 

Tips to Overcome Fear of Abandonment:

• Therapy - Through therapy you can discover your attachment style and how it affects your relationships and learn how to form secure attachments. A therapist can also diagnose any personality disorders and help you heal from childhood trauma. 

• Self-Discovery - Learning about yourself can help you identify how abandonment anxiety impacts your thoughts and actions — and, as an extension of those things, your relationships.

• Support Groups - Community and connection can be important parts of healing from trauma.

• Self-Compassion - Self-compassion, a way of viewing yourself first with kindness instead of judgment, can help you combat shame and other thoughts that might come up alongside your abandonment anxiety.

Strategies for Managing Seasonal Depression

Leaves falling from all of the trees. Clocks falling back. Dark by 6pm. Cold weather. The first signs that winter is coming can be dark and depressing for many people. In fact, approximately 4-6 percent of Americans are affected by what is known as “seasonal affective disorder” (SAD) and up to 20 percent have a mild form of the condition. SAD, also known as “seasonal depression,” or the “winter blues,” is a form of depression triggered by changes in daylight and weather that occur primarily in winter as the days get shorter and colder. 

It is believed that the changes that come as we go from summer, into fall and winter may disrupt the body's natural circadian rhythm which is how our body regulates functioning during waking and sleeping hours. This in turn, can also affect our energy levels. It is also believed that the seasonal changes may disrupt the body’s levels of serotonin and melatonin, which has an effect on how well we regulate sleep, mood and feelings of well-being.

Signs & Symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder:

• Feelings of depression that happen most of the day, every day, in a seasonal pattern

• Having tiredness or low energy

• Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy

• Changes in appetite or weight gain

• Sleeping too much

Who is Susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Although anyone can suffer from SAD, certain demographics are more susceptible to the condition such as:

• Women

• Young people

• People who live farther away from the equator

• People with a family history of depression and bi-polar disorder

Tips to Manage Seasonal Affective Disorder: 

• Talk to a Mental Health Professional - They can help ascertain a diagnosis and figure out if you have SAD or some other form of depression.

• Ready Your Mind For the Fall - Prepare your mind for the fall-to-winter transition by giving yourself time for mood-boosting activities, socializing with friends, partaking in a hobby and other enjoyable activities.

• Try Light From a Box - Bright light therapy is exposure to an artificial light that will help keep your circadian rhythm on track. 

• Use Dawn Simulators - An alarm clock that wakes you up with light that intensifies and gets brighter as opposed to waking you abruptly with sound. 

• Consider Taking Antidepressants - If you don’t find relief from light therapy or psychotherapy, medication may be an option to help you overcome SAD. 

• Prioritize Social Activities - Avoid isolating yourself by staying connected with friends and family and partaking in enjoyable activities together. 

• Add Aromatherapy to Your Treatment Plan - Using essential oils for therapeutic purposes has the ability to provide relief from SAD. 

• Stick to a Schedule - By maintaining a regular schedule, sleep can be improved and you will be exposed to light at consistent, predictable intervals. 

• Get Moving - Exercise can provide relief for SAD, with outdoor exercise being the most helpful. However, working out at home or at the gym can also provide relief. 

• Let the Sunshine In - Soak up as much sunlight as possible, whether that is spending some time outdoors or opening up your curtains to let that natural light in. 

• Take a Vacation or “Staycation” - Going to a warmer climate or having some time off from your normal routine on a sunny day can have a positive effect on your well-being. 

• Consider Avoiding Alcohol - If you feel down, you might catch yourself drinking more than you normally would which can have a counterproductive effect.

• Keep a Journal - Having an outlet to release any negative thoughts and feelings can provide relief and help you cope with SAD.

• Get Enough Vitamin D - Vitamin D deficiency may be a risk factor for depressive symptoms, so try getting as much sunlight as possible or eating vitamin d-rich foods. 

If you feel like you are suffering from seasonal affective disorder, our therapists and psychiatric nurse practitioners can help you! They can provide you with a proper diagnosis and get you on the path toward recovery and happiness. Contact us today to schedule an appointment!

Are You Quiet Quitting Your Relationship?

By Brianna Boyd

We have heard of the term “quiet quitting” when it comes to the workplace, but what about when it comes to relationships? Just like you might quietly quit a job, by possibly putting less effort into your work, or just not being as engaged as you once were when you first landed the position, the same can be said about a relationship. 

Have you ever found yourself slowly disengaging from a relationship or mentally, emotionally and physically, distancing yourself from your partner and the union you share altogether? If you said yes, you have most likely experienced what it means to quietly quit a relationship. 

Reasons Why People May Quiet Quit a Relationship 

People may begin to do this when they grow tired of their partner or when the relationship is lacking that “spark. One person might feel like they are the only one putting any effort into making things work. Maybe it feels like there is gridlock within the relationship that makes it impossible to overcome a conflict that may have occurred between both partners. Maybe they are just ready for something new, or they want time to be single to really figure out what they really want for themselves and out of life. 

Whatever the reason may be, quiet quitting happens frequently within relationships. This is a phenomenon that has been happening even before the term “quiet quitting” was ever coined. It can be a one-sided thing where one partner is doing the quiet quitting, or maybe it’s both partners who are quietly quitting. Relationships fizzle out. It’s perfectly normal, however, quiet quitting may not actually be the most productive way to process the end of a relationship. 

The Negative Effects of Quiet Quitting a Relationship

Quiet quitting has the potential to make the end of a relationship end more negatively than it truly has to. It threatens interdependence which means that one or both partners could possibly begin prioritizing themselves above the relationship. One or both partners may begin keeping boundaries as a self-protective approach to keep their identity out of the relationship, which does not align with a healthy relationship dynamic. Having your identity be central to your relationship promotes relationship health. Relationship centrality is associated with a healthy cognitive interweaving of self and other (Agnew et al., 1998). 

When a romantic relationship is not a top priority in a person's life, they might experience less interdependence and less satisfaction from the relationship, which may be why they are quietly quitting in the first place. Making one’s relationship “small” in comparison to everything else in their life is a toxic type of disengagement which threatens a couple from having a successful and healthy union. 

Signs You May Be Quiet Quitting Your Relationship

Quiet quitting usually begins with romantic disengagement which is a “multi-pronged process.” One or both partners may begin feeling emotional indifference and apathy, feelings that eventually replace any feelings of love. When one romantically disengages from a relationship, they begin mentally detaching and psychologically and physically distancing themselves from their partner and the relationship altogether.

Let’s take a look at some examples of what that romantic disengagement might look like:

• Not putting as much effort into the relationship as you were before.

• Mentally detaching and psychologically pulling back from a relationship.

• A lack of physical affection, including affectionate touch

• A lack of attention towards their partner, even when in the same room as the partner.

• Avoiding asking questions or answering questions.

• Daydreaming, and mentally being in a different space when together with their partner.

• Not wanting to "deal with" their partner.

• Spending as little time as possible with their partner.

Just Break-Up You Say? 

Relationships are highly complex and even though one or both partners may be quietly quitting, they may stay together anyway for a variety of reasons. Many times there are constraints that confine people to that relationship. Much like a job, the majority of people don’t just wake up one day and decide to quit their job and never go back. There may be constraints keeping them from doing so, such as the need to save up money beforehand or wanting to find another job first before they commit to the decision. 

The same goes for a relationship; if you’ve been with someone long enough your entire life may change once the break-up occurs. Maybe you have children together, or share housing, or share finances and split bills. Breaking up is not always that easy because it isn’t that cut and dry. Sometimes breaking up takes time, regardless of how unhappy or dissatisfied one may be with a relationship. So in the meantime, until the time is right to make that decision, one stays in that relationship, being less engaged, putting in less effort and showing less love. 

Relationship Counseling

If you or someone you know is in a relationship where one or both partners seem to be quiet quitting, we have relationship counselors available that can assist with creating a healthier dynamic. Our counselors can help define whether there is still hope for the relationship and the best way for both partners to move forward. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.

How Childhood Emotional Neglect Manifests in One’s Life

By Brianna Boyd

As a child growing up in this beautiful, crazy, sometimes harsh world, it is absolutely needed to have a positive and secure foundation for us to be able to flourish as an individual. We build this foundation through our parents and/or caregivers, and we look to them to provide us this foundation through loving us and fulfilling our needs, especially our emotional needs. 

As children, there are 5 critical emotional needs that need to be met by the people who love and care for us in order to feel safe and secure in the world. 

Let’s take a look at what exactly those needs are: 

1. Respect - Treated with kindness and courtesy.

2. Importance - Feeling appreciated and useful.

3. Acceptance - Feelings, opinions and ideas are valued. Uniqueness is valued.  

4. Inclusion - Feeling connected to others. Be part of something useful. 

5. Security - Feeling cared for. Feeling safe and protected.

What happens when those critical needs are neglected in some way? Our success in school, work, friendships, relationships and marriage, and just life in general, can all be negatively affected. The cracks in one’s foundation may begin to show themselves in the form of how we view ourselves, how vulnerable we allow ourselves to be, how we communicate, how capable we are to make decisions, how we treat others and how we allow others to treat us. 

Here are some ways the trauma from being neglected as a child can manifest itself in one’s life:

• They might grow up feeling unvalued and unloved, like no one ever really cared about them.

• They just accept being treated poorly by others.

• They feel disconnected from everyone and the world around them. 

• They might be more inward and closed off and withhold details about themselves from their friends and loved ones.

• They minimize their own needs while putting the needs of others on a pedestal.

• They lack self-care

• They don’t know how to handle conflict. 

• They have trouble communicating how they really feel. 

The neglected child grows up into an adult feeling lost and full of distrust and low self-worth, feeling and thinking they are unlovable, and unworthy of love–unworthy of having their emotional needs met. It becomes normal for them because that’s all they are used as that is the foundation that they were given. 

On the outside, their lives may seem perfectly normal, however, it is the internal struggle they deal with on a daily basis that wreaks havoc on their life. They might be that person who moves from relationship to relationship hoping to find the love they were never given as a child. They might choose romantic partners who are emotionally, mentally and/or physically abusive without ever questioning to leave because they do not think they deserve any better. Maybe they continue to stay at a job where they are not valued. 

People who were neglected as children don’t want to be a burden to anyone; so they never speak up about how they truly feel, and they probably don’t think anyone cares enough to know anyway. They might constantly apologize even when there is no need to. People-pleasing, codependency, self-loathing, depression, anxiety, even suicidality can all be things they struggle with. It can be a lifelong struggle that feels never-ending, especially if they never gain the awareness about just how deeply they have been affected by their childhood neglect. 

As adults, we bring children into this world; children do not make the decision to be born. It is our duty as their parents and caretakers to love them and care for them the way they critically need to be loved and cared for. Just like we make sure they have food, water and shelter, we must ensure that they also feel loved, heard, validated and valued. It is our duty to make sure they feel nothing other than safe and secure in this world. 

Talk to your children. Understand how they are feeling. Get to know them on the deepest emotional level possible. Don’t ever make them feel as though they do not matter. Be attentive to not only their physical needs, but their emotional needs as well. Fill their cup, so they don’t spend their lives feeling empty and constantly seeking to fill the void they feel inside. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of childhood neglect, therapy is a great solution to help one overcome and recover from the effects. We have therapists available to help one begin their healing journey and to show them just how worthy they are of love and a happy and fulfilling life. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.

How to Recover from Childhood Neglect

• Deeply acknowledge the way emotional neglect happened in your family and how it’s affected you.

• Accept that your emotions are blocked off, but they are still there, waiting for you.

• Pay attention to your feelings.

• Practice sitting with negative feelings to increase your tolerance.

• Keep an ongoing list of your Likes and Dislikes.

• Develop and practice compassion for yourself.

• Become aware of the feeling of anger when it happens in your body.

• Read a book on assertiveness.

• Share your CEN (childhood emotional neglect) story with someone close to you.

• Look for the effects of CEN on your primary relationships.

• Get into therapy or join a support group. 

• Surround yourself with positive people who reinforce their love for you.

• Remove anyone from your life who makes you feel anything less than worthy. 

Will Rishi Sunak or Your Relationship Last Until Christmas?

By Mike Engracia
Edited by Brianna Boyd

Rishi Sunak is Britain's first prime minister of color after he won the race to lead the Conservative party. Sunak, a 42-year old former finance minister, will become Britain's third prime minister in less than two months after his predecessor Liz Truss who was brought down in office in just seven weeks by her economic program which roiled the financial markets and pushed up the living cost in the UK.

You can't stop thinking about how the rise of Mr. Sunak to power and the quick succession of prime ministers relates to a relationship. Many people move on quickly from one person to the next after a breakup, just like the U.K. moved on from Liz Truss and the other prime ministers before her. The romance is short-lived many times, just like the belief of the U.K. that they have a competent leader leading them.

How long does it take to know if a leader can lead well? How long does it take to fall in love? Do you need to get to know someone for weeks or months at a time? Are there certain characteristics, virtues, and red flags to look out for in a leader just as you look for those things in a partner? What exactly makes a relationship last and how does that compare to what it takes for a leader to sustain his power? 

You might be thinking this is an odd comparison, however the similarities between what we seek in a relationship to make it last are very similar to what we seek from our leaders for their leadership to last. Which do you think will last until Christmas? Your relationship? Or Mr. Sunak’s reign as prime minister? Or both? There are many variables that come into play that will allow us to know which will be short-lived and which will be here for the long-hull. 

No two leaders are the same, nor are any two relationships. The U.K. has moved on quickly from prime ministers after displeasure with their leadership, much like one might move on quickly from person to person when they are dating because it’s not a good match. Boris Johnson self-sabotaged his own leadership. Liz Truss had problems with overspending which put the U.K. in an even worse economic position. 

In terms of a relationship, many times we realize a person may not be good for us for the same reasons; maybe the person we are with constantly self-sabotages the relationship, or has poor spending habits. All of these things can be looked at as red flags, or incompatible characteristics that let us know that things probably won’t work out. This same incompatibility exists within our relationships and what we desire from our leaders. 

If there is too much incompatibility present, that defines how long we think a relationship will last, or how long a leader can sustain their power. Mr. Sunak is looked at as pragmatic and competent, characteristics that the U.K. has been lacking in their leaders until now, so the country as a whole is hopeful and optimistic. Maybe we too, have been seeking out romantic partners that don’t truly embody the characteristics we’d want in a significant other. Maybe we need to choose partners with more virtuous qualities, like Mr. Sunak, for things to last. 

So what else can we do to avoid moving on quickly from relationship to relationship? What can a leader do to ensure they are not quickly removed from power like Liz Truss and the previous prime ministers of the U.K.? Much like Mr. Sunak being the first prime minister of color, maybe we also need to expand our preferences when it comes to dating. That would allow us to have more options and give chances to people we wouldn’t normally give chances to. This in turn, could lead us to the love we were looking for, or the leader we have been waiting for. 

The question is - will things like choosing partners and leaders with better character or expanding our preferences really make things last? In doing those things, will your relationship make it to the Christmas holiday? As for Mr. Sunak to Britain's top job, will he instill the virtues needed to sustain his power until Christmas?

What is Art Therapy?

In order to tackle our mental health issues, we always talk about coping skills, meditation and grounding techniques. But, there is another artistic method known as the “Art Therapy” technique rooted in the idea that creative expression can foster healing and mental well-being. During our group session, “Maintaining Balance,” we discussed a new technique called “Art Therapy.” Let’s take a look at what our therapists and group participants shared with us.

Techniques used in art therapy can include:

• Coloring

• Doodling and scribbling

• Drawing

• Finger painting

• Painting

• Photography

• Sculpting

• Working with clay

For today, we will be focusing on tree drawing interpretation about our personalities and then share the significant findings after completing it.  Basically,  the tree’s trunk represents one’s ego and basic personality. The limbs on the tree are the way through one tries to communicate with the world. If your branches are little, it means that you have more of an introverted personality. On the other hand, too big branches would refer to “neediness.” Bare branches would refer to someone having depression. The roots from the tree represent how grounded in reality a person is. 

Art Therapy would help reduce mental health concerns because drawing does boost mindfulness and helps to clear our head, find a purpose which adds meaning to our lives. Please let us know about your thoughts on this and how you would like to incorporate it in your life.

Recent crisis affecting our mental health in 2022

With the global coronavirus pandemic entering its third year, it looks like food shortages have continued into 2022. During our regular therapy sessions with clients, our clinicians came to know about the shortages of food from which has led to stress and anxiety for everyone. The inclement weather has played a big role in short supply of food and other products which are usually found in abundance at local grocery stores. 

Food shelves were empty and some of the missing products were milk, meat, vegetables and fruits. The stores that were massively affected by it were Trader Joe's, Giant, Safeway and Aldi but Costco and Harris Teeter weren't affected that much. Today, we will be sharing some tips that you can follow in order to cope up with this kind of crisis.

• Start looking at Caribbean or African stores as well for things such as meat, vegetables & eggs, etc. Some of these stores carry some of these missing items!

• Always stock up canned food items like beans, soups, can veggies, and peanut butter, etc. for times like this. 

• During the winter months buy frozen vegetables since they last longer and are cheaper in bulk. Also, you can share meals or swap food items.

• If you are on an affordable budget, you can always share the cost with a family member or a friend.

•  Start preparing meals to last for 5-7 days, like chili, soups, one-pan dishes.

• Utilize local food banks or visit churches to see what food resources are available. 

• Last but not the least, this upcoming Monday, the community is providing free meals at any of the restaurants and booster shots if interested at Beltway Plaza Mall in Greenbelt, MD. You don’t have to be PG County Resident in order to attend this. It will be held from 12-4pm.

The additional anxiety of Omicron has definitely increased our feelings of anxiety, stress and depression because of food insecurity, unemployment and extreme weather conditions but this is just a matter of time and this uncertainty at this point of time is hard on all of us but together we will be able to get through this. Please share the information with anyone who is struggling with the current situation and let us know if this was helpful.

Struggles with anxiety and depression and how to cope up with it

Everyday is a battle. In the depths of depression and anxiety, our world falls apart around us. From time to time, we all get  the heavy feeling of despair which prevents us from feeling anything else. During our group session, “Maintaining Balance,” we discussed the struggles we face on a daily basis in regards to anxiety and depression. Let’s take a look at what our therapists and group participants shared with us along with some helpful tips that can be used to tackle the concerns.

• Communication gap between a son and his father. Trying his best to work on establishing good communication with his kid. 

• Difficult relationship with kid’s mom as she is not stable so it’s hard to establish a good relationship with the child.

• It’s best to control things that are under our control and also not to take everything personally and emotionally.

• Looking at past mistakes as lessons learnt and balancing life basically.

• Forgiving and forgetting.

• Prioritizing yourself. Sometimes in relationships we tend to feel that it didn’t work out because of our shortcomings but in actuality it didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to be. Move on in life and focus on your happiness and practice gratitude. Start being more mindful and accepting the change.

• Stop being a people pleaser.

• Begin to get back to enjoying the elements of life that make you happy.

• Accepting that there is something good in every situation

• Giving yourself some extra time.

• Picking a positive thought by cancelling a negative one by overriding it.
  
  Experiencing anxiety and depression is a very common thing but remember that anything you do to get better is an astounding achievement. Your hard work will build up over time into a life you never could have imagined. Recovery has its bumps in the road and it's not always easy - but we've got this!

Positive Affirmations For Inner Peace

Affirmations can always help us to reinforce our value and self-worth and influence our behavior positively. Positive affirmations improve our mental, physical and emotional well-being. So, the question is how positive affirmations work?

Affirmations are more than simply repeating words but it has the power to drastically change someone’s life by eliminating all negative thoughts and self-doubt. It’s a practice of recognizing and changing our own thoughts on a daily basis. Below are some tips that can help you to understand what positive affirmations are:

• Accept yourself unconditionally with all your flaws.

• A little progress each day adds up to big results.

• You have to learn to be grateful for all the hard work you do.

• You have to be compassionate.

• Have confidence in your abilities.

• Know that your life is meaningful and you have a purpose along with the passion.

• Stop procrastinating.

• Have positive and healthy relationships with your loved ones.

• Be thankful to God and your family/friends for all the support you've received from them.

• Believe in yourself that you have the courage and tenacity to overcome any challenge you face in life.

• Remind yourself to be open to giving and receiving love can change your life in a positive way.

• We are learning everyday and working at our own pace.

Take all the time you need to incorporate them into your daily routine and they will help you build self-confidence, gratitude, self-love and forgiveness for your overall inner peace.

THE NEW NORMAL MAY COME WITH GRIEF

During the global pandemic, a perceptible amount of collective grief has emerged. We have to accept our feelings, cater to our needs and manage our mental health to overcome the signs and symptoms of grief. In our introductory session today we discussed the transitions that we had to make during COVID-19 in regards to loneliness, depression, grief and anxiety.

Feelings of self-isolation have been on the rise for quite some time now which has led to different kinds of psychological issues. Loneliness, anxiety and depression has been triggered by the pandemic and has taken a toll on our mental health. Let’s talk about the tips that we can use to manage anxiety and grief.

• Keeping up with a schedule.

• Staying active.

• Working on something that’s meaningful to you.

• Connecting with others.

• Finding sources of comfort i.e. joining a support group, watching a movie or a series, cooking healthy food and so on.

• Explore your interests.

• Knowing that you are not alone.

• Practicing self-compassion.

Post-pandemic life is a new experience for all of us and is going to be challenging. However, we have to allow ourselves to do our best to get out of our comfort zone. Eventually, we will start to feel better about ourselves and these mixed emotions will fade too.

Attachment Theory: A Discussion About Unhealthy Attachments, Patterns & How Therapy Can Help Youtube Link: https://youtu.be/gesssl4rwHw

Youtube Link: https://youtu.be/gesssl4rwHw

Have you utilized attachment theory with your clients? If so, then what did you learn from it?

It’s important to figure out where attachment is coming from as in the behavior so that clients can be self-aware and can have a better understanding of their relationships. In addition, it also helps us with self-conceptualization. Also, making clients aware of the fact that this is very natural as it comes from their history. Psycho-education holds significant importance on attachment theory. We can also use assessments to make the clients aware of where they fall in regards to their attachments.

Attachment theory isn’t culturally universal. How do we view it from a cultural perspective.

It is very challenging since what works for one culture may not work for another. There are some generalizations which are true. Some cultures are all about family and for some cultures it’s about independence. It’s imperative that we ask clients how it’s in their family. It’s great to compare and see the differences. Different cultures are based on different countries of origins.

Culture has different definitions of attachment style. Culture isn’t only about racial identity but it’s related to different generations too. It also develops with time and their ways of interacting with each other and how they could view it differently from their perspectives.

Have you ever wondered to ask your clients about why they keep ending up in the same situation even with a different  partner in their relationship and asking them if they have noticed or paid attention to that pattern in their life? What a secure attachment would look like for them?

Sometimes clients say that they have issues with their partners with the insecurities they have for themselves. They lack self-confidence and self-compassion. So, we work on self-acceptance and for a positive self-take. 

Firstly, investigating the patterns of their relationship like finding out about their childhood. Then ask clients if they are observing any pattern in their relationships and if they want to change  one. It’s important to figure out if the attachment style is worth it for the clients or not. Look at the secure attachment styles such as the different child/adult attachment styles which are:

• Secure – autonomous;

• Avoidant – dismissing;

• Anxious – preoccupied; and.

• Disorganized – unresolved.

It’s important to share this information with the clients since it helps them to recognize what patterns of behavior they are displaying. It allows them to think about the changes they do want to make in their lives and how it is impacting them. 

The Significance of Maintaining Balance In Life

We tend to lose a little bit of ourselves everyday with our daily routine and hectic work schedule. It is our family, friends and inner-self which keeps us sane and gives us the will-power to move forward in life. It helps us both professionally and personally. Balance sets the ball rolling for a brighter future. Thus, it’s crucial for us to maintain balance in life.

Let’s talk about things that make our life more beautiful and give us a sense of purpose to help us progress on our personal development journey and make us build self-awareness for a mindful change.

• Bible Study as it brings us closer to God, gives clarity and adds meaning to our life.

• Setting personal and spiritual goals on a vision board by using picture frames.

• Maintaining a positive attitude always.

• Journaling on a daily basis.

• Letting go of perfectionism.

• Loving the work you do professionally.

• Exercising helps to relieve stress, depression and anxiety.

• Self-acceptance.

• Practicing mindfulness everyday.

• Getting enough sleep.

• Knowing what our priorities are.

• Creating an efficient mindset

Let’s plan every move in life, be it in our professional life or in our relationships. We have to give our best in ensuring that we give our hundred percent in everything we do. In addition, let’s not forget about paying attention to our physical and mental health. Instead of waiting until you reach your lowest phase in life, know when to take a break in order to avoid symptoms of burnout.

The Truth About Grief: A Conversation About Mourning

Link to Youtube Session:https://youtu.be/5LYskl25ULE

Mourning is a very intimate and unique experience for each and every individual. It’s unbearable to cope up with loss and the pain we experience. We feel like the pain we are experiencing is never-ending. We simply go through a variety of emotional experiences such as anger, confusion, and sadness. In today’s session, we are going to talk about grief.

What are some of the ways that we’ve dealt with grief personally in your life or in your client’s life? What was the grieving process like?

• Focusing on the relationship that the client had with their beloved one.

• Working more on coping mechanisms.

• Getting highly involved in work so that the stress, depression doesn’t consume someone who is grieving.

• Creating new memories.

• Every individual has a pace of their own.

What are the 5 stages of grief or the emotions associated with grief?

• Shock

• Disbelief

• Anger

• Depression

• Denial

Anger is another stage in the grieving process. Has anyone felt this emotion personally or maybe through their client?

It’s very natural to feel angry after the loss of a loved one. There is so much to process that anger may feel like it allows us an emotional outlet.  We simply become vulnerable unnecessarily and allow anger to consume us. We can reframe the thoughts, feelings and cherish the memories of our beloved ones so that we can overcome the grieving phase.

Anger is such a powerful emotion and you’ve to remind yourself of the impact that it has on your life. Remember that it’s okay to be validated to anger and the feelings are okay. You just have to accept them. Be happy, focus on the positives.

We all react differently with loss. We should be patient and calm with the whole grieving process. While it’s simply very hard to let go, it’s never too late to accept the truth and to cherish the beautiful and happy moments that we have had with our beloved ones.

“How to communicate through conflict: Part 1”

Watch the Youtube Recording of the Session Below!

Link: https://youtu.be/YXocLOk8BLg

Who doesn’t want to create a healthy, happy and fulfilling relationship? So to put simply, communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. It’s not just any basic tool but a very powerful one which helps us to sustain relationships. In today’s session, we will be discussing the significance of communication in relationships.

Is avoidance in relationships considered healthy?

It totally depends on the relationship. Say suppose, when couples are in a heated argument and one of them is trying to avoid the situation in order to prevent it from being worse or your partner is not understanding you so that’s when a “cool-down” period is recommended. It’s wise to take some time-out. But, you’ve to bring up the issue that’s bothering you when both of you have sorted out your problems. Also, it’s important to over communicate then to under communicate.

In this session, we will also be discussing conflict resolution as well in John Gottman’s book “The 7 principles for making marriage work.” John Gottman has over 30 years of experience in regards to relationships, helping couples heal emotionally and also to communicate properly in relationships. Let’s talk about some healthy ways to resolve conflicts. There are mainly 5 steps to it but we will be going through the first step which is “Soften Your Start-Up.”

Soften Your Start-Up 

When you are communicating with someone, it all goes down to your manners. Let’s say you had a loved one coming to visit you and he/she/they accidentally broke a glass. What would your reaction be like? We tend to overreact in these kinds of situations because of the relationship we share with them. On the contrary, if it was our boss then the situation wouldn’t possibly be like this. We will be responding to them in a very subtle and calm tone like, “It’s okay!” We will be very nice and courteous but it’s not the same with our spouse/wife because we tend to simply criticize them over petty things.

Oftentimes in relationships, when communication is going bad things like whatever we discussed above take place. People treat outsiders better than they treat their partners or loved ones. We can build a healthy relationship by being nice and courteous to our partners. Men tend to hold on to the negativity compared to women. For example, it’s like you tend to shut down & feel like you are being attacked. That’s why they tend to avoid confrontation and it takes a while for them to calm down.

In order to resolve conflict and utilize the start-up approach, you have to avoid criticizing your partner or to stop being defensive. Negativity is built up from resentment because you are labelling them as “a person” in regards to the words you choose during your tiffs. Like, “Oh yes! It truly shows how you’ve been brought up.” Thus, your partner starts to become defensive and the cycle goes on. It creates distance, loneliness and what not! 

So, how do we break the never-ending cycle?

• Say things in a way that you are complaining but not criticizing. For instance, you are always cleaning up for your partner. They have agreed to do all their chores but they don’t simply do it. 

• Choose your words wisely and have a nice tone while conversing with your partner.

• Come up with an accountability plan in the most authentic way. 

• Be polite and appreciative.

• Don’t keep on piling up your thoughts.

Remember that a relationship is a process so you just have to be yourself with your partner to keep your relationship well-balanced.

“Reasons Why You Should Use The Four Horsemen”

Link to Youtube Session: https://youtu.be/87DWtjbiP1U

What does it take to make a relationship work? Well, a healthy romantic relationship requires understanding, compromise and the willingness to work through the bad and you have to work hard for it to maintain it.

So, how do we maintain the relationship? The answer is very simple. The key is knowing your partner. The more you get to know each other, the more you can create intimacy with your partner. Initially, everything in a relationship looks very easy because of the emotions and you are very much in love. But, love is not always enough. Couples start to have issues based on their differences of opinion, not having proper communication between them, not giving space to each other, arguing with each other over little things and what not.

The presence of these issues doesn’t mean that your relationship or marriage is doomed. It’s very natural for couples to undergo these stages. Let us now take a look at marital researcher John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen of Communication” which shows where couples struggle in their relationship. The goal is to have knowledge of relationship patterns, increase awareness, and replace negative behaviors.

The Four Horsemen of Communication

In our last session, we covered the two horsemen components which are Criticism/Complaints and Contempt. Today, we are going to be covering the last two components so that we all have a proper understanding of recognizing the patterns to create some healthy changes in our relationships. We discussed the last two components of “The Four Horsemen” which are (Defensiveness, Stonewalling) and we will also discuss the reversal techniques to combat them with positivity and willingness.

Horsemen 3: Defensiveness

We discussed how things can get escalated during a conflict and it mainly occurs when your partner doesn’t want to own up for their actions and instead defends themselves. We refer to it as the “innocent victim.” Rather than solving the issue, this happens when your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their actions. For instance, making lame excuses for your actions, having an underlying resentment etc. They tend to speak in a tone like, “Why are you picking up on me?”/ “Why do you always do that?” Thus, we get to see more negativity and your partner starts to disengage because your partner is trying to avoid the argument.

Solution/Reversal Technique

Own up for your actions and recognize your true feelings. It’s not only about blaming others or pointing out at each other baselessly. It’s all about perspective. We can show some empathy to our partners by offering them an apology or taking responsibility for our actions.

Horsemen 4: Stonewalling

During conflicts,we often see couples shutting out their partners emotionally which leads to no communication, no feedback, no response because they are trying to act like they are busy, not listening to you, manipulating aggressively and no eye-contact. This kind of isolation comes back from overwhelmed feelings.It’s like building a huge wall between yourself and your partner. It not only triggers negativity but also creates a big gap between yourself and your partner. For instance, “I want to run away from this argument/I don’t want to reply to that/Is that what you think of me?” The power of negativity is never ending and you’ve made up your mind to disagree with your partner and thus it’s triggering negativity.

Solution/Reversal Technique

It’s crucial to be willing to engage in conversations with our partners, to express our thoughts and feelings. No harm in being open and honest with our partners. Let’s try out some self-soothing techniques or simply take a break or give some space during those times.

So, let us take a moment to think about our relationships with our partners. Have you noticed any of the patterns that we’ve discussed here? Do you see any of the horsemen components being present in your current relationship? Would you like to apply the reversal techniques to create a healthy and beautiful relationship with your partner?

“What To Do When Mental Health Affects My Career?”

Watch the Recording of the Session Below!

Youtube Link Session: https://youtu.be/SwVnj1kswLg

The ongoing pandemic has taken a toll on people’s mental health across the globe. But fear, panic, anxiety, depression, burnout & stress is turning out to be the biggest hurdle in ensuring one’s mental well-being. The stress and the anxiety that one faces in a new working environment is very daunting. We often have these questions in our minds like the following given below:

• Will I be able to keep up with the workload?

• Will my new employers pay attention to my wellness?

• Can I disclose about my mental health issues with my employers?

• Will I be accepted by my employers wholeheartedly?

Well, it’s natural for a new employee to feel like this when working in a new company. But, we need to work on ourselves first so that we can easily adjust to the new environment. Let us take a look now at how we can address the wellness issues and what measures we can take to cope up with the new challenges coming our way.

How to cope with issues in regards to mental health when working in a new place?

• Identify the triggers.

• Try to feel at ease in a new environment.

• Spend the time to adjust to the new environment.

• Take some notes of the things you come across.

• Find out about the corporate culture.

• Re-frame your expectations just for your own benefit.

• Plan ahead of your schedule (Make a to-do list).

• Simply observe your surroundings so that you can collect as much information as you can and see if you can establish a good relationship with co-workers & employers.

• Remind yourself that you are capable of keeping up with the company & the good work that you’ve been doing so far.

• Take all the necessary steps that you need to take for your well-being.

• Be patient with yourself.

• Being realistic of your goals.

• Avoid taking too much workload.

It’s not always that easy to get everything done in the way you had planned, but you really shouldn’t be ashamed of discussing mental health issues or let them prevent your from being happy and accepted in your career.