Are You Quiet Quitting Your Relationship?
/By Brianna Boyd
We have heard of the term “quiet quitting” when it comes to the workplace, but what about when it comes to relationships? Just like you might quietly quit a job, by possibly putting less effort into your work, or just not being as engaged as you once were when you first landed the position, the same can be said about a relationship.
Have you ever found yourself slowly disengaging from a relationship or mentally, emotionally and physically, distancing yourself from your partner and the union you share altogether? If you said yes, you have most likely experienced what it means to quietly quit a relationship.
Reasons Why People May Quiet Quit a Relationship
People may begin to do this when they grow tired of their partner or when the relationship is lacking that “spark. One person might feel like they are the only one putting any effort into making things work. Maybe it feels like there is gridlock within the relationship that makes it impossible to overcome a conflict that may have occurred between both partners. Maybe they are just ready for something new, or they want time to be single to really figure out what they really want for themselves and out of life.
Whatever the reason may be, quiet quitting happens frequently within relationships. This is a phenomenon that has been happening even before the term “quiet quitting” was ever coined. It can be a one-sided thing where one partner is doing the quiet quitting, or maybe it’s both partners who are quietly quitting. Relationships fizzle out. It’s perfectly normal, however, quiet quitting may not actually be the most productive way to process the end of a relationship.
The Negative Effects of Quiet Quitting a Relationship
Quiet quitting has the potential to make the end of a relationship end more negatively than it truly has to. It threatens interdependence which means that one or both partners could possibly begin prioritizing themselves above the relationship. One or both partners may begin keeping boundaries as a self-protective approach to keep their identity out of the relationship, which does not align with a healthy relationship dynamic. Having your identity be central to your relationship promotes relationship health. Relationship centrality is associated with a healthy cognitive interweaving of self and other (Agnew et al., 1998).
When a romantic relationship is not a top priority in a person's life, they might experience less interdependence and less satisfaction from the relationship, which may be why they are quietly quitting in the first place. Making one’s relationship “small” in comparison to everything else in their life is a toxic type of disengagement which threatens a couple from having a successful and healthy union.
Signs You May Be Quiet Quitting Your Relationship
Quiet quitting usually begins with romantic disengagement which is a “multi-pronged process.” One or both partners may begin feeling emotional indifference and apathy, feelings that eventually replace any feelings of love. When one romantically disengages from a relationship, they begin mentally detaching and psychologically and physically distancing themselves from their partner and the relationship altogether.
Let’s take a look at some examples of what that romantic disengagement might look like:
Not putting as much effort into the relationship as you were before.
Mentally detaching and psychologically pulling back from a relationship.
A lack of physical affection, including affectionate touch
A lack of attention towards their partner, even when in the same room as the partner.
Avoiding asking questions or answering questions.
Daydreaming, and mentally being in a different space when together with their partner.
Not wanting to "deal with" their partner.
Spending as little time as possible with their partner.
Just Break-Up You Say?
Relationships are highly complex and even though one or both partners may be quietly quitting, they may stay together anyway for a variety of reasons. Many times there are constraints that confine people to that relationship. Much like a job, the majority of people don’t just wake up one day and decide to quit their job and never go back. There may be constraints keeping them from doing so, such as the need to save up money beforehand or wanting to find another job first before they commit to the decision.
The same goes for a relationship; if you’ve been with someone long enough your entire life may change once the break-up occurs. Maybe you have children together, or share housing, or share finances and split bills. Breaking up is not always that easy because it isn’t that cut and dry. Sometimes breaking up takes time, regardless of how unhappy or dissatisfied one may be with a relationship. So in the meantime, until the time is right to make that decision, one stays in that relationship, being less engaged, putting in less effort and showing less love.
Relationship Counseling
If you or someone you know is in a relationship where one or both partners seem to be quiet quitting, we have relationship counselors available that can assist with creating a healthier dynamic. Our counselors can help define whether there is still hope for the relationship and the best way for both partners to move forward. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.
