Loving Yourself: A Process
/We live in a world where we are taught about things like math, science, politics, religion, and different cultures and customs. We learn about how light creates color, and the orders of operations, and the three branches of our government. We learn about cumulus clouds and deciduous trees; our parents teach us about finances and credit…but does anyone ever teach us how to truly love ourselves?
Is it just a given? That we are born, and we grow up and just automatically know how to love ourselves? Is it really just that easy for everyone? I am skeptical of that. Because there are real issues that get in the way of a person knowing how to love themselves… Family plays a HUGE role. Our families are where we form our earliest ideas about love and have a huge impact on how we view ourselves.
Not everyone is given the opportunity to grow up in a loving and nurturing household. Some grow up feeling neglected, and unwanted. Others grow up in dysfunctional households where there is constant fighting or abuse, and their emotions and needs are overlooked. Many people were not given the opportunity to grow up with a family at all.
Then, even in the most perfect household, a child may still not feel loved. That feeling of feeling “unloved” really does not discriminate. And that feeling, can translate into a person not seeing their value or their worth. They will grow from a child into an adult, continually struggling with loving themselves. When a person is not given that foundation of what true love is, they can feel like they are undeserving of love from others and from themselves.
They might constantly search for the love that they were never given. And sometimes, because of that, it is easy to end up in a series of relationships where they are unappreciated or abused. They might find themselves in a job where they are undervalued. And most times, they stay in that unhappy relationship or stay at that job because they do not believe they deserve any better. It becomes a vicious cycle that is hard to break out of. Especially when a person is unable to see their worth.
But would it still be that way if we were actually taught how to love ourselves? Would it still be that way if we were shown a proper version of love? Something I have realized on my journey within the human experience is that, knowing how to love yourself is not a default. It is a process; and it can be a long, strenuous painful process. When you lack that love, you will find yourself mentally and emotionally exhausted from the sort of situations it puts you in. You will find yourself repeating the same painful situations over and over again. Searching for that love in others as a way to fill the void, then ending up disappointed when it still does not fulfill you the way you were hoping for. And you will put up with horrible treatment until you eventually just reach your breaking point.
You will start to wonder why you keep putting yourself through these sorts of things. You will start to realize that it is no longer worth it. And miraculously, out of your exhaustion, you gain clarity… that until you start loving yourself, and putting yourself first, the love you seek will be non-existent. Falling in love with yourself is the antidote to your broken heart. It is the only thing that can fill that void. Realizing your worth will bring the right people into your life and keep you from settling for anything less than you deserve.
Learning to love yourself can be a hard lesson; but it is a lesson worth learning. Break the cycle. Break free from whatever it is that keeps you from truly loving and valuing yourself. Know in you heart, with conviction, that you are worthy and deserving of love.
Ways You Can Start Loving Yourself:
Care as much about yourself as you do for others.
Maintain your boundaries and learn to say “no.”
Try not to seek validation or approval from others.
Do what you need to do to be you.
Become aware of the source that makes it hard for you to love yourself.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
Forgive others.
Replace negative self-talk with positive things about yourself.
Make a list of your accomplishments.
Cast out of the idea that you have to be perfect.
Challenge yourself.
