Advice for Your Marriage

Love Maps
When you are fully aware of your partner’s love maps, more intimacy is involved in the relationship. Don’t forget to spice up those intimate moments!!
Couples who are emotionally intelligent are intimately familiar with each other’s world. They maintain plenty of cognitive room in their minds to remember major events that changed their partner’s world. They are cognizant of each other’s fears, hopes, dreams and aspirations. This mindset allows them to be more prepared for stressful events and conflicts, as they are not easily thrown off course. Start creating your love maps right away, as those who do not, lose their way as soon as challenges are faced.
To build your love map, ask your partner about the things that are most important to them. Secondly, make your own love map by making notes of important events in your partner’s life, especially the stressors and aspirations. Third, look into yourself and answer the following questions:
i.    My triumphs and where I strive
ii.    My injuries and healing 
iii.    My emotional world 
iv.    My mission and legacy 
v.    Who I want to become

Allow Each Other Some Space
Practice appropriate boundaries, and don’t be surprised of how appreciative you’ll be when sharing new things! Asking for alone time is not meant to be disrespectful; instead one should be proud of how brave their partner is to have asked. But doesn’t this request stress the life out of you? Allow yourself to feel all those panicky things, just don’t act on them. Though you’re torn on the inside, be brave on the outside. If loneliness kicks in, be especially kind to yourself. One of the most critical elements of a relationship is having a solid identity; so go out and try something new. Put you back in touch with yourself! The more solid your personality is, the happier you will be in a relationship. Healthy couples give each other space for hobbies and relationships. Unhealthy couples push each other away. Spend a healthy amount of time apart and keep reaping the benefits from your alone time.

Two Kinds of Marital Conflicts
There are solvable and unsolvable problems in any relationship. Couples must therefore customize coping mechanisms for perpetual problems, which invariably fall into gridlock. The four horsemen, namely criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling become more prominent in these situations, while humor and affection steadily decrease. The couple begins to live parallel lives because: 

1.    Conflict makes you feel rejected by your partner; 
2.    You keep on talking about it, but make no headway; 
3.    You become entrenched in your positions and are unwilling to budge; 
4.    When you discuss the topic, you feel more frustrated and hurt;
5.    Your conversations about the problem are devoid of humor, amusement or affection; 
6.    Unwillingness to compromise, leading to mutual vilification during these conversations;
7.    The vilification leads to being further rooted in your position and polarized, more extreme in your views and less willing to compromise; 
8.    Eventually, you disengage from each other emotionally.

Solvable problems are situational and have very little dilemma. Solving these issues can be done through effective repair attempts, learning how to compromise and being mindful of your partner’s imperfections. Solvable problems can however lead to perpetual problems, if not addressed and/or coping mechanisms utilized.