Imagine struggling for days, weeks, months or even years of feeling invisible in your partnership, marriage or family despite always trying to voice your concerns. Imagine feeling more and more distant from your relationship as the space between you fills up with all the things you both never say to each other. 

Imagine if there was a way to allow you both to enter into one another’s world in order to become fully present and aware of the different perspectives that govern and lead you each internally. 

The GREAT news is that there absolutely is a way to accomplish this; Imago Therapy.

Imago dialogue is a unique modality frequently utilized in couples therapy although it may also be used with families, colleagues and friends. Imago Therapy differs from many forms of therapy in that it presents as a highly structured technique and the use of very specific language, verbiage and a physical component.

Partners or dyads are directed to physically turn and face each other for the duration of their dialogues or discussion. Next they each take turns communicating in this dynamic and connective way.

As both partners face one another, one person acts as the receiver or listener, while the other is the sender or speaker who is communicating their perspectives, thoughts or feelings on a particular topic or issue ongoing within the relational dyad. There are three stages to Imago Dialogue which include the following:

First, to initiate the conversation, the speaker can be encouraged to verbally, audibly invite the listener into their interpersonal world, though this is not always possible or required depending on the situation or topic being addressed.

1. Mirroring: Repeating out loud what the speaker has said verbatim, word for word without modifying, paraphrasing, challenging or interpreting.

Example

Speaker: 

“I feel invisible and powerless when I’m not included in major household decisions.”

Receiver: “So what you’ve said is that you feel invisible and powerless when I don’t include you in major household decisions, is that right or is there more?”

When mirroring, it can be useful to add the question, “Is there more?” in case the speaker needs to elaborate upon their thoughts or perspective further. If so, the receiver or listener can simply mirror step by step until the speaker has concluded their discussion.

1. Validation: Acknowledging the ways in which you understand how and why the speaker may feel what they’ve expressed.

Validation does not mean you must agree, it simply means that you must acknowledge that your partner has a right to express, feel and differ in their opinion and still be respected and given the space and opportunity to do so.

Example

Receiver: I can see why/how you might feel powerless and it makes sense because…”

In validation, if there are parts of what your partner has expressed that you don’t understand or that you have questions about, you can add a comment such as: “Please tell me more about… I want to understand this part also.”

1. Empathy: Considering what the speaker might feel or think as a result of what they have expressed.

Example

Receiver: “I imagine that you might feel ignored or unappreciated because of this.”

Once one person has gone through all 3 of the steps and their perspective has been truly heard and recognized through this dialogue, then both partners trade positions, where the speaker becomes the listening partner, and the listener becomes the speaking partner, in order to establish an equal exploration of perspectives.

Due to this technique being highly structured, and scripted, it may feel odd or awkward to verbalize at first. However, many couples benefit tremendously from it because it allows them to slow down their communicative processes and truly venture into the world of their partner and vice versa. Imago allows two people to genuinely connect and witness presence and patience for their partner throughout difficult discussions and topics that tend to lead to arguments and misunderstandings that arise due to an inability to recognize or acknowledge the other person’s thoughts an

With Imago, clients can also work on parts of the dialogue independently as they work through difficult conversations and topics with inert depth. For example validation may need to be a focus for a partner expressing an opinion or thought that has been rejected or denied by their partner.

Imago dialogue can also be transformed and remodeled for specific conversations such as appreciation dialogues, parent child dialogues and more depending on your level of experience and understanding of the technique.

While Imago is often used as a communication tool, it can help dyads accomplish so much more through time and sufficient practice. Better connections, deeper understanding and improved intimacy can become commonplace with ongoing Imago dialogue conversations. 

If you and your partner, friend, loved one or colleague are struggling to understand one another or connect your differing perspectives, then working with a therapist who utilizes Imago Therapy may be useful for you to improve your communication and connectivity. Don’t stay lost in translation and confusion, use Imago to find your way towards each other and give yourselves a chance to finally hear and see each other again.